The Hamps trip continues. Thank GOD they didn’t pick up from last week with Ubah weirdly and embarrassingly repeating ‘Pigeon! Pigeon!’
‘Brynn is a pigeon! You all pigeons!’
I don’t get her. She’s trying too hard. She’s not cute and she’s not funny and she’s not smart. Someone tell her.
So it’s tennis on the agenda today. No one can play. It’s basically just a fashion show.
Jenna and Ubah opt out.
They all suck and get bored after like five minutes. The instructor kid looks annoyed.
Jessel takes selfies.
Sai blatantly ignores Brynn. She seems to be taking great pleasure in it. It’s so childish. Brynn would be smarter to not notice and act unbothered.
The one new chick, not Minkoff, I forgot her name. opens up about her childhood when her French last name is questioned.
I feel like if I had a kid via a one night stand which is how this sounds, it would be a tad embarrassing when the kid starts to question their dad. Maybe I’m wrong. But it does seem like the mom barely knew the dad.
The story is sad. Long story short she decided on a random last name found in her lineage and decided on that since she didn’t want the last name of this ‘father’ nor her mom’s last name since her dad was a prick too.
Lots of douchey men out there. What goes so wrong in the womb for boys that they end up so hostile and angry? Not breastfed? Moms smoking pot and chugging margs while pregnant? Like I don’t get it. Why does the penis make you so angry?? It’s okay guys. Get a tissue and go whack off. It’ll be okay. No one understands why you’re so angry but it’ll be okay.
******
Brynn is tired of the cold shoulder and wants to leave.
There’s always someone that wants to go home. Always.
Brynn confuses me sometimes. She’s so all over the place. One second she’s the, and I hate to use the cliché Housewife term of ‘pot stirrer’ and the next second she’s bawling her eyes out, and she’s the victim. Another infamous cliché Housewife term.
Erin tells her to take a nap, like she’s a pre-schooler.
So the plan for tonight is having Shabbat, which is from what I’m able to gather, means every Friday if you’re Jewish you make a shitton of food because you’re not allowed to do anything on Saturday. I feel like that’s a woman’s dream life. Sorry – can’t clean anything, can’t do anything, it’s Shabbat! I can’t be the first one to say that.
Everyone has a dish they are making. So fun.
Ubah and Sai are off to the market and as usual, overdress because they think they have to impress people in the Hamptons just going to a local farmers market store.
Tell us you don’t have a house in the Hamptons without telling us you don’t have a house in the Hamptons.
Brynn is now staying because Jenna has bribed her with jewelry.
Let the cooking begin! There are a lot of cooks in the kitchen.
I guess Brynn doesn’t have a dish she’s making as she’s crawled back in bed to pout.
I can’t believe Erin is planning another fucking prank after what happened last season with her ‘pranks’ not going over well.
They sit down. Erin tells everyone they look pretty then turns to Jenna and says “and you put latex on…” So rude. Leave her alone.
Is Erin new here? Jenna doesn’t do froofy.
Not to be outdone, Jessel asks her “is it recycled? Was it part of a truck?” Jenna is speechless.
Part of a truck?? She is so fucking dumb. Like I don’t even think she was being shady.
Jenna’s response to that was telling her that she loves her. I guess that’s one way of handling a moron.
Jenna goes on to talk about sex dungeons in New York City in the early 90’s, ‘before Giuliani.’
Yeah I don’t that the mayor actually controls the sex dungeons, Jenna. That’s why they’re dungeons. That’s why they’re on the down lo, and secret. Pretty sure they probably still exist whether the mayor is Republican or Democrat. The shit that Housewives say and they actually believe what they say.
Jenna doesn’t usually say dumb crap like that. It’s usually Jessel, and she didn’t disappoint and asks if this was an ‘advertised establishment’ and if you found out via ‘Yelp.’ In 1992.
Okay so even if it wasn’t before there was Yelp, what a fucking dumb question. No Jessel you don’t go on Yelp to find out where they have women spinning naked on a wheel. Jesus fucking Christ this woman is a ding dong.
I can’t even believe Jenna is back putting up with this shit.
We keep finding out little by little that Erin was a tad trashy before marrying Tom Hanks. Not only was she getting flown around the world on PJ’s by random guys, but she was flashing her titties for free shit.
Apparently before kids she had quite the knockers. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a woman’s boobs shrink like that. Was she like Rebecca and breastfed them til they were six?
******
Who else thought Ubah was going to lose her shit over the fake cockroaches.
She didn’t. She puked and then she laughed. Sai puked because Ubah was puking.
Perhaps she found a sense of humor in the past year.
I don’t know about that dress that Brynn is wearing. She kind of looks like a green Barney.
Erin has a chef preparing breakfast the next morning. I see she is bending over fucking backwards to make sure these bitches are fed. Gee I wonder why that is.
Rebecca Minkoff is fucking weird. I’m just going to be judgy here and I do not care. Breastfeeding a three-year old is fucking weird and disturbing.
She likes her child saying to her “mommy, booby” and lifting her shirt to suck her tit.
I have no words. It’s a little perverted. There I found a word.
Jessel calls Pavit and we get a little insight as to why he’s so completely steadfast against having another child.
Because Jessel is lazy AF and he does all of the work.
I gathered this this last season when she was having her mom live with her and act as her nanny. She was even bitching her mom was sleeping until 8 am. Poor Jessel had to get up early to take care of her children. Imagine the nerve!
She promises Pavit that he’s “getting tomorrow off” when she gets home,which tells us he does 90% of the child care even when she’s home. He calls BS and tells her that’s not happening because she doesn’t get up to take care of them.
And she wants to have another kid, for her husband to take care of, that he does not want.
The absolute dysfunction. Why doesn’t he say that to her every time she asks him about taking this embryo off of ice and planting it somewhere. Guess he worked up the nerve to tell her she’s lazy since it was on the phone and she couldn’t smack him.
Well Jessel if the shoe fits…
******
Ubah and Brynn embrace, then argue.
Ubah is so difficult to communicate with. I’m sorry to say this, but while she doesn’t come off as like a total airhead in a Jessel way, but she does come off as not very bright.
This is what Brynn is trying to explain to her. She’s telling her she doesn’t want her coming off as ‘angry.’ I think she’s really meaning don’t come off like an idiot.
I mean that pigeon tangent, let’s be honest. She sounded like the slow kid.
I guess Ubah had time to think about the interaction the previous night and now she’s feeling like Brynn bossed her around by suggesting she not be so angry (aka stupid.)
In a span of three minutes, she sweetly hugged Brynn, cried, angrily, stomped off, then plopped herself in another part of the kitchen laughing with Sai, like nothing even happened. I was like what the fuck did I miss here?? This broad is NUTS.. Is she bipolar or what? That’s some serious mood swings. She reminds me of my ex,
So my ex-boyfriend is an angry black woman.
Annnnnd now she’s all cranked up again. The whole table looks extremely bewildered.
She calls Bynn condescending and cries and leaves the table. This broad needs meds.
Brynn: “in one ear and out the other because there’s noting upstairs.”
Amen. At least she didn’t roll out the pigeons again.
