Day three in PR.
We left off last week with Ubah having a very Ubah tantrum about the dead ‘pigeon’ she saw. There was also a dead fish. She clearly thinks a pigeon is the only type of bird there is. She knew this would be insulting to Raquel but it was a moment for her, so she took it.
Everyone looks awkward and looks at her like ‘please shut up, you’re killing the vibe’ as she screeches and begs them all to not go into the water.
Not loving this yap look of Raquel’s.
Raquel admits this is not the beach where ‘the Americans would be’ but maybe she should’ve considered her audience and taken them there instead of this one. It does look a little ‘run-down’ but it’s the same fucking ocean so let’s not be dramatic.
Ubah keeps repeating very emphatically “it’s disGUSTing!” over and over which is so not necessary. It’s just not. Swimming in the ocean in general is rather disgusting if you really think about it.
Sai urges Ubah to shut up, who is also of Puerto Rican descent so she’s sort of stuck having to defend the area. Otherwise I think she’s be acting like a dick too.
Ubah sits on the beach with a sourpuss scowl on her face. You would think someone who thinks she’s so beautiful would not want to make this face constantly. I think she has some sort of borderline personality issue. Or a split personality. Or something. She does have her moments of being normal.
Her face is honestly really ugly when she’s having one of her manic meltdowns. You know the ugly crier thing? Well she’s an ugly pouter.
Brynn’s display with this 18 – 20 year old lifeguard (at least I hope he’s legal) is utterly ‘disGUSTing’ – so much more disgusting than the beach. If Ubah wants to have a shit fit about something, it should be this.
Someone tell Brynn she’s like pushing 40 and this isn’t cute at all. Perhaps if the dude was her age, it could be slightly humorous, but she could be this kid’s mom.
And she went at it too long. He looks at her like he’s disgusted, not amused.
Is she drunk? I didn’t see her drinking at all, but holy shit this is something a drunk person would do.
Love how she tells him she’s ‘drowning’ as she’s laying in the fucking sand for crissakes.
I’m guessing she’s not noticing this kid gritting his teeth and probably contemplating ACTUALLY drowning her dumb ass.
He literally doesn’t know what to do. I think if this was a girl his age he’d be giving her his number and thinking it’s cute.
Ubah watches in horror, as Sai looks at her phone, trying to ignore it since she’s buds with Brynn. Ubah steals my line. “You can’t make this shit up.”
Thought ‘real friends’ called each other out, Sai?? You can’t possibly think this is okay?
Erin is the only one brave enough to hoverboard. I feel like if she would have put her arms out for balance in the beginning she could have had it right away. She seems to have good balance and she definitely has a strong tight core.
The guy must have told her to put her arms out. I don’t know why that wouldn’t be instinct or common sense. Erin’s not one of the smarter Housewives. I would say out of this particular crew, the smart ones are Jenna for sure, and Raquel. The rest, yeah I don’t know.
She claims a fish bit her ass. Maybe she’ll start blaming Raquel and calling the beach ‘disGUSSSSTing!’
What kind of fish bites? Besides piranhas. And sharks.
It starts raining and Ubah makes her pinched sour face again.
She’s worried about Jessel’s ‘outfit’ in the rain. First of all I just noticed her outfit and it’s fucking hideous. Second of all, I would think your attire of choice you would wear to the beach should double as rain gear, if you get my drift. Does she not ever go to the beach? Why would she wear this?? Who wears an ‘outfit’ to the beach?? You wear a bathing suit, and shorts or a coverup. Jesus.
Raquel seems annoyed with the rain. Did we look at the forecast? It did kind of seem like it came out of nowhere which I think is how it works on islands. Rain is sudden and passes quickly. And that’s my meteorologist moment for the day.
Ubah immediately bitches about the A/C upon returning to the house.
Can you imagine this being your accommodations while on a FREE trip and bitching non-stop about anything and everything? It looks like something out of a story book.
Erin ‘casually’ asks Jessel about being sooo upset at dinner the night before. Erin and her ‘soooo upset.’ She uses that a lot. You can be annoyed without being ‘soooo upset.’
‘Sooo upset’ is Ubah because her room is small, or she saw a dead fish on the beach.
But having said that, Jessel had every right to be sooooo upset after Brynn’s pay- attention-to-me-because-I was-deserted-by-my-parents-antics. Reminds me of someone else I know. And he was only ditched by one parent. Can’t imagine if they both would’ve left him sitting on the step. He probably would’ve been a serial killer.
Erin’s funny. She claims to have been this innocent by-stander with Sai and Brynn earlier making fun of Jessel for having a price tag on a plant, and being too into glam and appearances, during this manufactured and overproduced conference between Jessel, Ubah and Rebecca. Well, sort of Rebecca. She doesn’t say much.
Love how Rebecca stands here observing like an audience member or a prop. Really do not expect to see her back next season.
They flash on the scene with Erin being a very participating member of the conversation dragging Jessel for existing. Ubah presses Erin on divulging and she refers them to Brynn and Sai.
Not the fucking pigeon thing again.
Thought the pigeon was dead on the beach.
Ubah saying Jessel has ‘no bad bone’ – to me Jessel IS a bitch. Her opening scene in the 1st ep of the maiden RHONY reboot last season, was her bitching at her mom (visiting from a whole ass other country to help her with her twin babies) and Pavit for fingerprints being on the table, and that they’re not cleaning enough.
And she talks to Pavit like he’s retarded and always seems to be ridiculing her mom. So to say she has ‘not one bad bone in her body’ which is what I think Ubah was trying to convey, is a bit of an exaggeration. She’s a snarky bitch.
But anyway I digress, they want Erin to spill it on the gossip sesh and she refuses.
******
Brynn is unsurprisingly obsessed with Jenna’s down there hair that she shared a photo of. She insinuates she’s banging Bezos and that’s how she got this hair delivered by Prime to jab at Jenna over her straight silky pubes.
Could this be jumping the shark? I don’t know but I believe so. Is it time to do a reboot of the reboot?? Keep Jenna Fucking Lyons, Raquel, maybe Erin just because she’s a native New Yorker and gorgeous. The rest need to go, and bring back the vets (minus Bethenney of course, she’s burned her Bravo bridge to put it mildly.) What do you think? I’m having my people call Andy’s people. I’m onto something, I am.
Raquel plans on addressing ‘in private’ with the camera crew of course, and a million people, Ubah, and her bad beach behavior and piss-poor manners.
Jenna, who DOES actually have the ability to make fun of herself, thinks the pube simulation is funny.
“No pube left unturned” as Jenna rearranges the hair on everyone.
Now that was funny Brynn. Let’s have more of that and less trying to bone teenagers and activate Ubah. Ubah is not entertaining. It’s actually kind of sad.
So Raquel does confront Ubah ‘privately’ and Ubah who has no manners and no couth, doubles down and said it WAS disgusting and offers to show a pic of the dead fucking bird.
She claims if she was in Somelia and saw a dead lion on a safari she would also wail and scream “OMG that’s disGUSTing!No one go on the safari!”
Okay Ubah. I would call her the least brightest NY Housewife.
Now why does Sai and her new titties have to ‘casually’ wander into the room?
This is between Raquel and Ubah. Believe you me Sai, Ubah can handle herself. Or is she in here as back-up for fellow Puerto-Rican Raquel? I’m not really sure that even matters.
Raquel is also a big girl and doesn’t need the evil munchkin’s input.
Ubah defends herself by saying she “didn’t sign an “NDA to not say anything about Puerto Rico.”
What? She is a fucking moron. A FUCKING Mor-ON.
Now she’s flexing that she’s been to Puerto Rico recently more than Raquel doing her modeling.
But God love her, she spews out her nonsense BS with such a straight face and so much conviction you almost want to believe her. A lot like BlaBla on VPR. Can you picture the two of them in a conversation?
Raquel is listening to this and because it’s so silly and idiotic, seems completely speechless. I truly think she feels sorry for her stupidity. I kind of do. She understands Puerto Rico because she was here for her Dress Barn ‘photo shoots.’
As Raquel points out, it makes her behavior even worse as she claims some sort of connection with the area.
Sai is so bored having to defend this, she starts cleaning goop out of her eye. I think she’s here because she feels like she’s ‘neutral.’
I wish Sai would get that thing out of her eye already. Can’t she go back to doing what she was doing and see she’s not needed to witness someone trying to reason with a brainless bimbo??
Ubah thinks she’s being ganged up on by the two Puerto Ricans.
Again since when are Sai and Ubah such great friends?? “Real friends call each other out.” Okay Sai but you’re calling her out in the most gentle and mild way imaginable. She’s clearly afraid of the woman.
It’s like “Ubahhhhh nowwwww we don’t say THAAAAT.” Like I’ve never heard Sai talking in such a low and mild-mannered way. Ever. So please stop with the patting yourself on the back for defending Raquel and the area. JUST STOP. So fake. I don’t think she gives one rat’s ass about Ubah putting down the beach. She is not FROM Puerto Rico as Raquel is.
Ubah maintains she wasn’t rude and Sai is afraid to tell her that yes, she was being excruciatingly rude. So no lady you’re not really calling her out. Again the gentle tone of voice and kid gloves thing is absolutely out of character.
So now her second ‘point’ and it’s really a non-point, and makes Raquel right, is that she can’t swim and wasn’t planning on getting into the water anyway.
Again not a defense Ubah, just making your case look even more fucked up.
Wow. It’s good that she’s pretty.
She reassures them she meant no offense and she was being herself. Okay don’t doubt that and yourself is a rude dumb bitch. She keeps rambling. Raquel just wants her to stop and wants this to be over. As we all do.
I didn’t expect for my two cents to be so long about this idiotic convo. There were just so many funny and actually organic things to point out.
Raquel wraps up by humoring her that she believes she didn’t mean anything, and clarifies in her yap she doesn’t think she got through to her, but it was time to give up.
You can’t fix stupid.
I think I might do a Part 2…
