Off on a fall weekend in the Hamptons. Sai puts all Housewives to shame with her thirty bags, so she can Insta post non-stop I guess.
This poor driver dude deals with all of them. They don’t even help. His packing of the the luggage is probably a courtesy, not in his job description. But of course these bougee (just realized I’ve been spelling this wrong) bitches feel so entitled, and think they’re being cute. They don’t care. They’re cackling behind him while he tries to find space for everything. He probably wants to bang their heads together.
Ubah and Sai are picking up Jessel, and there’s not even room for her shit. Extreme over packing is funny– to an extent, but this is just stupid, given she knew three other ladies would be in the same vehicle, along with all of their luggage. It’s not cute when someone else has to lug the shit, and you don’t care about others having room.
Brynn is not attending due to not feeling well, not due ro a failed fake covid test for a man-made virus. though. Not sure where she would have put her luggage.
Erin’s house is just fucking obnoxious and if I sound jealous, then I probably am. It reminds me of The Hamptons House on ‘Something’s Gotta Give’ with Jack Nicholson and Diane keaton. (who Jenna is being compared to, btw)
She’s preparing this caviar spread, that she has caterers preparing, for lunching and munching, when the girls arrive. The girls discuss how they’re hungry and wondering if there’s going to be lunch served at Erin’s
Nope – just caviar, on a pringle – Now, that’s weird!!!
“Who hasn’t tried caviar??” out of touch Erin, a lot of people. First of all, it ‘s literally fish eggs and many might be put off by that.
Also, it seems like it’s not really a filling snack – and the girls are arriving hungry and hangry. Smart and good hostessing, would have been to have something besides caviar to offer, or make sure they all ate the shit.
Erin is put off by this, and I guess and will now be on her list of gripes, since the ‘weird cheese’ and restaurant snobbery dilemma got resolved. This chick needs to loosen up. She and Jessel both. Do they have something against tequila shots because they need ‘em. Their constant constipated faces remind me of Katie Baloney on VPR, and working my last damned nerve.
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Another reason why I love Jenna. She drives her own damned ass to The Hamptons, and didn’t need to be chauffeured in a gas guzzling ginormus SUV (instead – a gas guzzling enormous Benz – but still, so much more chic.)
She feels out of her element, participating in a girls trip. Well, first off, eat caviar and don’t you dare complain you don’t like it. Luckily she does. If so, she Erin would literally be the only one eating it.
Jenna does seem legit nervous, when we thought she was kind of kidding about never being on a girls trip, and not knowing ‘what to do.’ She feels awkward. She’s so cute – why is she wearing sunglasses in the houses though?
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Back to the vehicle, not a shocker that Jessel and her pussy whipped wimpy dude do not have sex. This marriage dynamic, I have always suspected is not intimate. (bitchy woman in charge and a meek dude) How would that even work? What woman would be turned on by a dude that she orders around? What man would be turned on by a lippy bitch that acts like his mother?
Anyone taking bets on when this divorce will be filed? And who files? I’ll go – Jessel will file, although he really wants to, but he’s too afraid. And March 2024.
Sai and Ubah give several pieces of advice, but you can tell (or I can) that she’s just completely not interested and not receiving it. I just don’t think she has any desire, and nor does he. It has to be such an uncomfortable sitch when the absence of intimacy in married couples, starts crossing into months, and years. How do you even approach it?? Then it just gets weird as to who starts it, and how?? and —- you know what I mean??
She claims she’s self conscious of her C section scar. That sounds like an excuse. He’s not going to see it in the dark.
She’s not attracted to her whipping boy. No one is attracted to her whipping boy. I think since her twins were born, and she became a mom, she’s most likely stepped up her overbearing and domineering attitude towards him. That’s the issue, not the C section scar.
Sai asks, “you’re still giving blow jobs right?” I expected – “euuuuw no!” Instead, “oh yeah yeah yeah” is her response. Okay, so THAT’S weird. She gives him a blowie, then is like, okay good night? What?? Can’t relate.
“We’re not in New York anymore” gets said by Sai, I believe, as the group approaches the doorstep to Erin’s house. Well you still ARE in New York. Housewives are never very intelligent. By now we know just to roll with it. It adds the humor aspect, which the shows definitely need.
Ubah greets and hoists Jenna up, as if she weighs nothing, and the gives her a big hug. Maybe she IS Jenna’s girlfriend as she jokes later at dinner.
Jenna offers to help with all of the bags, (think the chauffeur guy is pretty much – “you bitches are on your own now.”)
This woman is a fucking angel. Jesus. She proceeds to carry these 100 pound suitcases up the stairs, as the high maintenance bitches get shown to their room, where they proceed to prepare their complaints.
If I ever decide to walk the other side of the forest, (most likely not) I would be so into Jenna. Problem would be, that I might be in it 90% for her her clothes and shoes, and don’t think we’re the same size. She’s tall, I’m not – also doubt she wears a size 6 shoe.
Erin seems like kind of a weird hostess. She’s not very welcoming and engaging to me.
Sai complains about the Pringles, and absence of Bellini’s (drink I’ve never made or had – maybe I finally got a cocktail inspo for my recipes page – it IS peach season!) Is she Italian? She seems to be. I don’t think she’s said.
Usually when one of the Housewives represents a certain ethnicity, such as Italian, Asian, etc, they waste zero time letting everyone know this, and proceed to talk about it non-stop. She reminds me of Paige on Summer House.
Did Erin just say “we don’t have service attached to this house” as they lug their 457 bags upstairs. Jessel seems miffed that she got Erin’s daughter’s room. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this room.
Jenna’s mom has just passed away, and suffered from Aspergers. She talks about how they weren’t close, and she never really understood what was wrong with her, since she wasn’t diagnosed until later in life. Sad
Okay, so this is where it gets funny. I’m really starting to see Jessle as self-absorbed and most likely on the narcissist spectrum. Jenna proceeds to go on and on of how sweet and maternal Jessel’s mom is, and she never had that, with the others chiming in in agreement, also referring to her a stunning and chic. Jessel fake laughs, and is clearly uncomfortable. She seems to take her mom for granted, and also kind of put off by these compliments. (she’s probably thinking – what about ME??) This whole convo seemed awkward for Jessel. She doesn’t seem to appreciate her mom’s help in the least bit, and treats her like a servant. She seems really cold to me.
So the non-sushi eaters, which is everyone except Jenna, bitch that they’re hungry, and want to go to this ‘Provisions’ deli for food. Erin is beyond annoyed. In a way, I can’t blame her, but also she should have been better prepared or made sure what everyone liked.
Ramona would be in her element with the caviar. Also, she’d be shitfaced by now, and hating her room, but completely cool with the caviar. Getting into Jessel’s lack of fucking her husband again. They suggest lingerie, which Jenna happens to have for some reason, for all of the ladies. Jessel immediately does not like hers. Missing the point. I think it was kind of like a gesture thing. No one is saying she HAS to wear it for her husband. Not that she would anyway,
She gets a little too extra, over not liking it, and there is nothing really wrong with it. Maybe it’s just not her taste, but it’s a gift. You fucking “say thank you, I love it!!”
They’re off to dinner. Erin discusses the morning activities, and there’s immediately strife due to eating or not eating before working out, and whether or not there’s ‘Dreamy Coffee.’
Nitro, BBQ Sauce, Hot Chocolate and More
Erin looks ready to lose her shit over all of these demands. I was curious about ‘Dreamy Coffee’ and here is the link if you were wondering too. There’s even a Jenna shout-out on the site.
It is kind of bizarre to act like this when a guest at someone’s home. If you have special requests/demands, why wouldn’t you just bring them yourself?
A lot of the products on the site are sold out, and I’m wondering if that has to do with the plug on Sunday night? Speaking of coffee, I want to go back to the drink orders quick. Jessel ordered an Espresso Martini with, wait for it – tequila? Never heard of tequila being used in an espresso martini. Doesn’t tequila make it not a martini? I love tequila, I love espresso martini’s, but I think that mixture sounds gross.
Some of these ladies so concerned about their outfits and bringing half of their wardrobes with them, do not seem to be bringing it to me. So much beige and black. I love how Jenna, an icon in the fashion industry, is just wearing a basic denim Levi’s jacket to dinner. She has nothing to prove. Whereas someone like Sai, does. Falls into the adage that money talks and wealth whispers.
And as the ladies start slurping their oysters, seems like perfect timing to discuss Jenna’s sex life with women, and how/when she decided to convert to women (hopefully you’re following that)
With the acceptance of same sex relationships across the board now, it seems strange to hear her story from 2008-ish (not THAT long ago) that she was worried for her job, when her relationship became public. The J. Crew CEO called her and asked her to address being seen on a date with a woman.
Like what?? Today that answer would be – “none of your fucking business.” She doesn’t want to divulge her current love interest, when asked.
Jessel gets asked about how she met Captain Sissy Boy. She explains how they were friends and roomies. They were dating other people, and she even had to give him dating advice since he was a dork when it came to women. She says this as if it’s surprising. The very small amount we’ve seen of the poor guy, it seems like he’s afraid of her, so… makes sense.
And we’re talking about THIS again. Why, just why?? Third time. She thinks their lack of connection has to do with spending so much time trying to get pregnant, and the romance was taken out of it. Perhaps? Whatever. So many excuses, thought they were tired and she’s worried about her scar?
On a restroom break, Ubah storms the kitchen and harasses the staff. Passes by the wide-open pantry and snags a can of coconut milk. Erin makes it a big thing, and insists she puts it back. She should loosen up. It’s funny. Who cares. Anyway, you’re allowed to shoplift now. It’s not a crime. Watch the news. It’s cool now.
Back home, and lingerie drama continues.
Ubah hates her nightie, which is exquisite, then suddenly has a complete change of heart. Did Producers tell her to like it, since Jessel hated hers? I don’t know. That was strange. They couldn’t have them both bitching. We need to focus on one Housewife idiotic strife at a time!
Jessel sticks with her disdain. She hated it when she opened it before dinner, and she hates it more when she puts it on, and she continues to hate it. She also hates that it’s a ‘large.’ But if the nightgown fits…
It’s really not that bad. She forgets this was you know, just for fun. I think if she just put a bra on under it, she would feel so much better,
She describes the fit, cut and seams in the garment, in her yap, in intricate detail. I kind of think that she just hates her body. Not throwing shade, she had twins only one year ago, but you know her body isn’t perfect, and the other ladies are skinnier and more fit. I think that’s what she’s freaking about. If you’ve had kids, you’ve been there. It’s a real thing to be self-conscious about your body.
But stop blaming the color and style of the nightgown, and just say that.
She storms upstairs. Some bitches just suck the fun outta everything.
(Some guys suck the fun outta everything too.)
