I want to point out that I don’t know which is worse as far as Rachel’s plastic surgeries, her water balloon boobs on her pancake nose. Where did she get her surgeons? Craig’s List?
Danielle plugs Bougee Kids’ which has taken off I assume since the attention from last season. She’s having some celebration for the anniversary of Nate having brain surgery to remove a cyst.
She calls it a ‘Celebration of Life’ which I guess she doesn’t know that’s the new thing we’re calling funerals now. Well, it’s not that new.
This IS Jersey. I think I did a lot of picking on them last season for not knowing what simple words meant. Like ‘arsenal’ for instance.
They should have had Melissa’s tag line be something funny based off of that.
Danielle is still not speaking to her brother and even her Dad since he refused to take her side in her brother and his wife returning her baby gift.
She is dressed very Jersey on this photo shoot for her daughter.
Dolores is getting ‘back into real estate’ as she puts it. I never knew she was into real estate. She can never not work, she claims, but it doesn’t seem like she’s been doing much except Bravo for the past several years.
I love how she moved in with Paul two seconds after meeting him, when he’s still married, but refused to move in with David until he put a ring on it. Which he didn’t. He broke up with her instead.
I’m sure it’s perfectly fine and normal to ‘date’ someone long-term who’s married. At least he’s not blowing smoke up her ass that he’s getting divorced, that we know of anyway. According to him the divorce is underway, and I’m going to believe him until I hear otherwise, online, which is always where you get the accurate info.
Teresa is cracking me up wearing her stupid podcast merch constantly, when it’s since been canceled. Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard, first of all, and Lordy she cannot string together a half-intelligent sounding thought to save her life.
But hey! Start a podcast!!
And what the hell is that on Louie’s shirt about pizza? I saw on a FaceBook chat it has something to do with making fun of someone’s kid on the show?
I don’t know what she’s capable of doing to make money other than Housewives, I really don’t. She tries to go on all of these game shows, and makes a fool out of herself. She’s about to go on ‘House of Villains’ where you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to succeed on, but you do have to be personable, and have a little street smarts and strategy skills. She possesses none of these traits.
I watched the very beginning last season because Jax from VPR was on and I was thinking this I gotta see, he’ll never last, and I didn’t even know the premise of the show. Yeah I called it. He was first to get the boot, and he made a complete ass out of himself talking this big talk.
So let me take this opportunity to predict Teresa’s as well, she will be the first to go. And I don’t even know who all else is on it. Just know, this is not her wheelhouse.
Teresa mentions some legal issues that she’s not supposedly not allowed to talk about, as she proceeds to talk about it. I’m assuming it has to do with all of this PI business, and the phone call to Margaret and all of that fucking disgraceful shit that Louie did last season that she’s having to take the fall for.
Did you all hear what’s going on now with these two? It’s now come out that they had hired an attorney, an actual attorney, to dig up dirt on the rest of the cast, as well as random people that Teresa is pissed at for saying shit about her, such as Michael Rappaport and Kate Chastain from Below Deck.
She also had this dude contacting gossip bloggers, trying to manipulate stories, and letting certain ones see the shows early to form narratives in her favor. And apparently there are receipts! If your’re on T witter/X, check out the account, ’Melissa’s Old Nose.’ And you know damned well this shit is all Louie’s idea.
He’s treating Housewives like one of his sketchy business ventures.
Anyway thanks to Louie, who seems to think he’s so snceaky and smart, and he’s neither, these two are looking like real dunces. These Tre huggers that are like ‘There would be no Jersey without Teresa, she carries the show, she’s every one’s storyline’ etc etc… what I always say to that is, yes but everyone is laughing at her not with her.
She tells Louie, “people that are trying to get a rise out of us, in one ear and out the other.”
Pretty sure he was thinking what I was thinking.
That’s pretty easy when there’s nothing in between. And it’s clearly NOT ‘in one ear and out the other’ if they’re doing this kind of shit described above to get back at everyone. Like what the fuck?
******
This brunch thing for Antonia’s 18th birthday, isn’t it such a shame that Teresa’s daughters can’t at least be there, especially Milania who was very close to her when they were little.
Oh Melissa. Bless your heart. She literally tells Antonia “I want you to meet new people, and explore your oats” which of course is in expression, that first of all, she said wrong, it’s’ sow your wild oats’ second of all she has no fucking clue what it means, yet she says it to her daughter in front of the entire family, and about a million fucking people.
I admit I did look it up just to double check myself to make sure it meant what I thought it meant, and it does. It means to have a lot of sex. So this is what she tells her 18 year old daughter in front of her brothers and her whole entire extended family, and the world. Antonia wants to die.
We thought it was bad she didn’t know what an arsenal was.
I don’t know what’s in the water in Jersey, but I’m glad I don’t live there. This is a woman with a college degree and aspired to be a teacher, until dumb ass Joe Gorga swept her off of her feet and she never used her brain again. And he’s also not the sharpest tool.
“SOW YOUR WILD OATS” one of her sisters corrects her, Melissa asks what it means (even though she just said it, or tried to) and they all just laugh. I’m not sure they knew either.
It pretty much even sounds like what it means. Whatever.
******
Teresa hosts the girls for a thing where you get zapped and it makes you look like you actually worked out. Housewives don’t work out. They just take Ozempic. Duh.
Simultaneously, Margaret hosts a pickle ball event.
Do they seriously still say “down the shore?”
Everyone gossips about each other at their perspective social gatherings.
I’m going to have to agree with Rachel that Teresa went to prison for an entire year and had zero growth. Truth.
I am suspicious of the Fessler and Teresa friendship, as she sits and tries to defend it. You cannot tell me this woman really wants to be friends with Teresa. No one wants to be friends with Teresa. Fessler comes off as sort of a no-nonsense type of person, and Teresa is nothing but nonsense.
In other words Production told Fessler and Danielle, you have to be friends with Teresa. They couldn’t have Teresa the so-called ‘star’ of the show only filming with Jennifer Aydin.
This union is such a win-win for Bravo because it causes issues with Margaret and Rachel, who they are friends with, and who hate Teresa.
Danielle’s hair is a little much. Her outfit for the party for Nate, is again, really Jersey. Elastic pants are just an all-around no. And the whole thing is a disaster. I even like sparkle and bling, but it’s entirely too much.
Who said they didn’t know what a roadie is? Wow.
This party is happening and no one is even fighting, but they all did just get here.
Why do the Jersey guys drink such girlie drinks? They’re ALL drinking espresso martinis.
I guess we’re not getting the pleasure of Mr. Appletini Frank’s presence this season. He’s been replaced by Buzz Lightyear.
Teresa is still on this thing about last year’s reunion how they all had a meeting to discuss a ‘game plan.’ Who cares. After all the shit that Louie did to everyone, so what, Teresa. Jesus. Shut the hell up.
She is demanding to know if Fessler said “you guys didn’t execute the plan…” after the reunion. Oh My God her fucking lips. She looks absolutely fucking ridiculous. ‘Duck lips’ does not even do this shit justice,
Fssler denies it, but she most likely did say it. She claims she merely wanted to know why the manila envelopes weren’t opened that Fuda had. Teresa seems satisfied with that clarification even though it’s kind of the same fucking thing, just rephrased.
I feel like this is so irrelevant.
Teresa swears onf her ‘dawters’ that Louie did not call Margaret’s son at work. She looks shocked at that.
Okay, well that’s disturbing. The call was traced back to Louie’s fucking phone. Technically I guess he could have had someone using his phone, so swearing on her dawters’ lives is acceptable in her pea-sized mind.
Fessler asks her about her Fuda drug dealing accusation, whether she was accusing him of this now, or the incident from high school. Teresa gets all over dramatic at how NO! She didn’t mean now! Oh my God, he’s so great, she would never!
Then weirdly, Fessler gets all overly sappy in her yap about how in love she is with Teresa. Yeah okay. And how much were you paid to say that ??
Rachel is all pissy and has to ‘reevaluate her relationship’ with Fessler or some fucking shit.
This season is going to be so extra stupid. They’re really grasping at straws, since we don’t have the Teresa vs Melissa and Joe altercations anymore.
