Can I start off by saying I hate Teresa’s ‘tag line’ – “Blood is thicker than water, but harder to clean up.”
Like eeuuwwww.
Would anyone miss the tag lines really if they just did away with them? Like every season they get more fucking stupid.
Seriously Dolores has NO idea why she’s getting hot flashes?
Just an observation: I notice the Italian parents have American names, but they seem to name their kids Italian names.
Valentina? Gianella?
Danielle bores her poor husband Nate, with housewife strife and the birthday guest list. He’s being a good sport.
So quick question. Why didn’t Melissa get included on t he ‘bad nose job club’ with Jennifer and Rachel? It’s hideous. Why she thought she needed a 2nd or 3rd nose job I do not know. Maybe they should maybe, leave Jersey for a surgeon??
I honestly don’t think Jennifer’s is that bad. (I know she got hers done in Turkey) Yes, it’s sort of strange and turned up on the side view. But I think it looks okay and better than her old nose from the front.
Okay, this thing with Teresa having words on her veil is really fucking stupid. But would you expect anything else from Teresa? Those Teresa fans who say “oh, she’s so entertaining!” You are absolutely correct. She’s entertaining all right. She’s completely clueless that we are laughing AT her, not with her.
The wedding planner, Gia and Milania all look at her like she’s half-baked, when she wants this Italian sentence printed on her fucking veil. I mean I guess it’s better than “Love, love, love.” Kind of like what a thirteen year old writes all over her notebook at school.
Gia imitates her. Teresa voice:
“My parents got married in three months, Melissa moved in with Joe, in like a month.”
Not sure Teresa appreciated it, but we sure did!!
She asks them if Melissa talked to them at her party and they recited their scripted line, and made it seem like she didn’t really talk to them, but she did, and they both proceeded to bitch Melissa and Joe.
She hung in there as long as she could with Gia and Gabriella, that they showed. They looked at her like she had six heads.
Melissa and Jennifer meet for lunch and act like they’re suddenly besties. Jennifer probably just wants intel to report back to Teresa. Jennifer bitches about Bill being Bill. Divorce that chump already.
They gossip about Margaret. Jennifer points out she has no friends and bitches are always getting pissed at her.
That drink they order looks fab. I might have to try that!
Another Bravo inspired cocktail idea for my page – check!
So they delve deeper into their Margaret bashing. Seems she has tried to talk Melissa into leaving Joe for some fucking ball player.
We know Marge wears the pants in her household, and good for her, but she doesn’t need to make the others feel like they should leave their husbands if their dynamic is different.
Jen Fessler is having a little soiree at her home, and I just will NEED to take this opportunity to say what in the FUCK is she wearing? So she should add fashion sense to her list of shit that she’s bad at. (cooking, decorating, domestic duties…) I mean what is that? A frumpy nightgown with lemons on, paired with cowboy boots?? In the summer?? (even if not summer, still bad)
Fucking Jackie best had better say something to say about this fashion debacle.
I seriously though for sure she just had that on as a comfy thing, and was going to change before the ladies arrived.
Then when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, Marge arrives in what appears to be a Little House on the Prairie bonnet.
Melissa outs Jennifer from their watermelon martini lunch, and what she said about Marge. She looks livid. Dolores is back to the crop tops.
Danielle arrives, and immediately starts talking about her and her brother’s stupid Insta argument. Are they trying to make Danielle and the phantom brother, the new Teresa and Joe?? It seems to be discussed, a lot. It randomly came up here, almost as IF, and I KNOW, that never happens, that they were told to ask her about it!
Jennifer and Margaret immediately start bickering two seconds after she sits down.
They literally remind me of that scene on Bridesmaids when Annie and Helen played tennis together, and start to argue whether people change when they grow, or stay the same.
Jennifer: “explaining is stating facts, and everyone will receive differently if they like you or not.”
Margaret: “I don’t think it’s if they like you or not, it’s a different perspective, and not being self-centered”
Jennifer: “It’s not about being self-centered.”
This all started when Jackie made a joke about how Jennifer tends to brag on her house.
Teresa hopelessly tries to intervene and re-explain what Jennifer is stating. But really. She needs to just stop. Margaret is pissed because of what Melissa just told her, so she’s on fire and is not going to let anything go.
Jen Fessler, the hostess, is sitting between them and getting annoyed.
I don’t even know wtf they’re screaming about at this point. It elevates to just screaming really personal insults at each other about kids and husbands.
Jennifer tells her she has a family and Margaret doesn’t.
Margaret fires back with “I have a good marriage!”
Some chat group opinions is that Margaret has a jealousy issue with Jennifer, since none of her kids talk to her (bio son and two step children) due to her affair with Joe on her ex. I have to say that might make sense because when Jennifer made the ‘family’ comment, she fired with –
“I have a good marriage.” (insinuating Jennifer does not, it’s totally a contest you know)
Jen Fessler yells that she has neighbors, and it’s not Teresa’s house, so they need to shut up.
Teresa: “I have six acres, how many do YOU have?”
Really??
She kicks Jennifer out, and Teresa follows her.
Barbie party for Valentina, and Danielle does look like a Barbie, She’s wearing t hat now famous or infamous, not sure, poofy Housewife dress that like ten others have worn in various colors.
Jennifer and Rachel talk their issues out, and yes Jennifer is talking in circles and breaking down “stating facts” and “history” versus “talking shit.”
I feel like I’m back to Bridesmaids. I would have more respect for Jennifer if she just owned that she’s doing her Housewife job.
Surely we’re not having a fight break out at the Barbie Party. How can you fight around Barbie??
