So we had a Dubai off-week. It happens. Bravo likes to keep us on our toes. And somehow I’m still running behind.
For an entire two weeks they’ve been arguing about this stupid ‘voice note’ message from Sara to Lesa about Brooks. Or was it?
Lesa explains the ‘voice note’ was sent to Ayan to decipher, because Lesa was confused about what Sara meant and whom she was referring to.
So yeah, send it to Ayan who:
a. Isn’t very smart and b. Doesn’t speak great English.
So the message was misunderstood and misconstrued. Sara didn’t say she wasn’t Brooks’ biggest fan (Even though pretty sure she’s NOT Brooks’ biggest fan.)
No one is Brooks’ biggest fan. No one.
Even her kid hates her.
MKay, moving on.
TALEEN is not Sara’s biggest fan. But Brooks is a fucking picnic. Not unstable at all!
I know we don’t see everything that transpires, there’s editing and all, but I’m going by what was shown, and Taleen said exactly one time “where’s YOUR husband?’ to Brooks.
So as we know, or I hope we know, context is important. Taleen didn’t just start randomly screaming “Where’s YOUR husband??????” And I think if she was repeating it over and over they probably would have shown that. I could be wrong but I’m usually not.
It was in the context of Brooks commenting about Raffi’s involvement in their argument. Taleen told her, “he’s sticking up for me, where’s your husband?”
Was it kind of unnecessary to say ‘where’s your husband’ and single shame her? As if it’s 1950, yes it was.
But Brooks hasn’t been playing by any fucking rules either, so whatever.
Leave it to Taleen to say what everyone is thinking: “I’m surprised you go to Ayan for the translation.”
Bingo, what I said. Ayan isn’t loving that comment as she shoots a death stare at her. But it has merit. I mean, it does. Also she wasn’t very helpful if she also didn’t understand it, so Taleen’s point is proven.
Now Ayan is livid at Stanbury for bringing up the voice note and tells her that they’re fucking done.
Next to Jersey, this is the least bright group of Housewives. Taleen is the only one that doesn’t come off as not a fucking fucktard. She’s quick and she’s halfway articulate.
Ayan is supposedly fuming, or pretending to be, and leaves the table in a huff.
Why do they always call the husbands crying during these petty arguments on the girls’ trips? So predictable, and so stupid.
But I have to say in a strange turn, Lesa calls Chris, Ayan’s husband to piss and moan, but only after she had tried to call Rich who is enjoying a boys’ night and didn’t pick up. Still, I thought it was weird she would call Chris.
Rich calls back when she’s talking to Chris, so she blows him off. I’m sure he’s relieved. Why put the husband in between his wife and her friend? Who does that? Even Housewives don’t usually do that.
Lesa snaps at Rich for ‘taking so long’ to call her back, and is annoyed he’s not home with the boys.
That seems kind of hypocritical. I am sure the House Husbands LOVE when the ladies go on these ‘girls trips.’ Of course they’re going to go out. Duh.
“My mum is home with the kids” he tells her. If he’s cheating on her I will cut his nuts off and I mean that.
Rich has no idea who or what she’s even talking about and interupts “Ayan??” as she’s 99% through the story.
He doesn’t give a fuck. Ladies stop calling the husbands. You sound like idiots.
He gives generic advice to get her off the phone.
Ayan is in bed pouting while the group goes clubbing. Talene finds Brooks a guy.
Sara needs to lighten up. “I’m taking care of my teenage daughters dancing and talking to guys.”
How DARE they dance and talk to guys at a nightclub??
Loved that no one was screaming and getting all Maury Povich. Everyone got a little buzz on with horrible tequila, and danced. This is how you’re supposed to do it.
Did anyone miss the trailer park behavior? Didn’t think so.
******
Next morning, Stanbury is hungover and regretful she brought up the ‘voice note.’ So these are voice ‘notes’ and not voice ‘mail.’ Like what the hell is the difference?
She admits it backfired. The general consensus from viewers seems to be that Ayan was actually pissed at herself for sharing the stupid recording in the first place, so she exploded on Lesa, and is taking it out on everyone else. Ayan does go from zero to one-hundred pretty quickly.
She’s now fine and super chipper, and thinking nothing of it.
Ayan and Lesa approach the breakfast nook and there’s tension of course. Lesa has a meltdown, they talk, they apologize, it’s all fine. Now the husbands can relax. That’s a joke.
They actually did make up really fast which is not the norm for women, least of all, Housewives.
Ayan is however, still pissed at Stanbury.
The activity for the day is Sara’s contribution, and Stanbury is already panicking because she’s too shallow and crabby to appreciate a zen, release your emotions, ‘gumbaya’ (Jersey shout-out – if you know you know) type of event.
Don’t even try to tell me that Sara doesn’t have the hots for Sergio. She starts nervously chewing at her painted whit claws the second Caroline calls and starts talking about his ‘underwear selfies.’
You know peeps, production does this on purpose for us to see and figure this shit out on our own, but it’s hard to catch because they will show it for only a second.
I catch shit I miss on the TV screen because I rewatch them on my computer.
Why else would we get a shot of Sara looking uncomfortable and eating her fingers off as soon as Caroline calls Sergio? Because she’s jealous AF and Bravo is trying to tell you that.
When I post this type of thing on the Bravo FaceBook chats, complete with the screenshots where you have to be an idiot to not see it, bitches have the audacity to argue with me, and tell me because it’s not being said, it can’t be true. WHAT??
Let’s think for ourselves people, and form our own opinions because we’re grown-ups.
I can say this because Lesa said it first, the ‘black’ car is having a LOT more fun than the other car, just saying. Then again the ‘ other’ car does have cranky hungover car sick Stanbury and stick-up-her-ass Sara in it.
Ayan is worried about having to lose her designer digs going to swim in a waterfall and praying to weird statues.
She’s a little exhausting if I’m being honest, and I’m trulysomeone that cares about what I look like and what I’m wearing, etc. Do I wear couture? No, but I do like to look like I put an effort in.
She needs to sometimes take a break because she comes off as craving and constantly needing complimented.
The ‘healing’ event is underway.
Stanbury looks like fucking death. She should probably realize that at 47, she can’t keep up with some of these girls, especially Talene, in her 30’s and a very hardcore partier, it seems.
You know in this yap look, Talene looks a little like Kim K., don’t you think?
They mutter to each other about Ayan giving them the silent treatment.
Stanbury growls at the zen waterfall dude for not being in the front, as they make their way through the forest. Like really woman, it’s not his fault you can’t handle your damned liquor.
He looks like he wants to elbow her in the face. Guess that would not be a good representation of the calm and peaceful environment he’s wanting to portray. But you know he was thinking it. Leave it to Stanbury to be a pissy bitch to a dude whose very job it is to be super polite, positive and spiritual.
Taleen complains about being barefoot and that her eyes are burning. She has big feet I noticed.
Lesa bitches at having to ‘pray’ to Harry Potter-looking Hindu statues. How about praying Housewives can act civilized for an entire outing??
Brooks complains about her makeup smudging, Stanbury chimes in, I knew it was her turn, bitching about carrying the baskets making her feel like she’s “waiting tables.”
God forbid. Stanbury having to EVER have to do a menial job like waiting tables.
She can’t even fathom what THAT must be like.
Wow, bitchm what a fucking pretentious thing to say, again not to beat a dead horse, but in this particular environment, her behavior and comments are so fucking inappropriate. Read the room, Caroline. Read the fucking room.
Honest to God, what WAS Sara thinking bringing these bitches to something like this? They’re Housewives. They want to lie by a pool, drink and shit talk each other.
Stanbury comments that “Sergio would love this.” This is literally the only moment between the two Dubai seasons that she actually was nice to Sergio and it’s when he’s 5000 miles away. Poor Sergio.
Caroline Stanbury does not do the waterfall ritual. She sits and plays on her phone. Stanbury in a nutshell. I can’t fathom there is service here. She’s probably pretending.
Taleen is also unimpressed, of course, since Stanbury is unimpressed. She’s being kind of a pick-me.
Even grumpy Brooks is into it and she’s more shallow than Stanbury if that’s possible. They all scream out their childhood traumas. Maybe this would have done Stanbury some good to let it all out about having gone to boarding school. Poor girl.
This actually did seem like a cool thing to do. I’d be into it. I might have been silently whining about walking around in God-knows-what in my bare feet, but that’s it. It looked so peaceful and relaxing. Who doesn’t love a waterfall, other than Stanbury.
Another activity of no fighting. Who wants to tell Bravo we don’t need all of the screaming and throwing shit to be entertained?
Well did I speak to soon?? That figures, that’s so me. Lesa provides Bali-like lace handmade beaded dresses for the ladies to wear to dinner and there’s bitching over that. It seems a little inauthentic, which is annoying.
I think Taleen’s is a gorgeous color and that’s her gripe about hers. She has a fucking killer body and would look good in a trash bag. Hers is like a rich red ‘cabernet’ I would call it.
Leave it to these ungrateful ho’s to complain about wearing one-of-a-kind unique handmade dresses for like two fucking hours, because it’s not something they would normally wear, nor the exact color they would have chosen.
Guess we can’t think outside the dress box for five fucking seconds.
I can’t fathom behaving this way (Taleen, Stanbury Brooks.)
Brooks gets particularly dramatic. ShockERRRRR.
The others are fine and happy to wear their dresses that represent the country and the culture for a few FUCKING HOURS.
I mean really. How much more immature and Ramona can you be?? Did producers tell them to do this? Probably. Could they have said ‘yeah, no pass, I’ll look like a fucking asshole.’
Yes.
And furthermore (I’m harping on this more than I meant to) but these dumb bitches are more than happy to don these ‘designer’ duds with huge tacky logos, probably made out of polyester, in China, by children being paid 10 cents an hour, and sewn together in two seconds, but bitch about wearing a handmade silk beaded gown with intricate detailing?
These women are ASSHOLES.
I’m particularly disappointed in Taleen. I expect this from Stanbury and Brooks.
And just coincidentally, it’s the two women she’s trying to suck up to.
Shame on you Taleen. SHAME. ON. YOU.
I actually think they’re beautiful.
And just to be extra cunty, those three miserable hags make the others wait in the car as they’re purposely not ready.
Pahlease.
