We ended last week with Eddie wrapped up in a bwankie not giving any fucks whatsoever that Tamra stormed out all mad after he and Jenn had a moment.
Some people on the chat groups think he didn’t look well that night. I think the dude is emotionally drained and needs to free himself from this broad, and live his authentic life.
Tamra stumbles to the car. I guess these dudes just sits there and wait for them to be done with their evening? Tough life they have right? She drops her keys, she drop her purse (not sure why she was even holding keys…?)
Eddie does look terrible. He looks defeated and exhausted. He looks like shit.
Katie goes after her. Tamra slurs that she’s “not putting up with that guy.” We have to put up with her, don’t we?
She fills in Katie quickly on what she knows about Ryan’s gambling habits that are not on the up and up. Why is she taking it so personally? She acts like he was taking money out of her pocket. How is what he was doing which I don’t fully even understand, any different than the way she hangs people out to dry for money?
Riddle me THAT.
Katie breaks it to Eddie that Tamra’s “ready to go.” As if he didn’t already know that. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with Jenn, perhaps.
He loudly groans and very slowly and reluctantly discard his comfy shawl. He looks defeated. He does not want to go home with that woman.
I’m hoping their non-filming life is not this miserable.
Eddie says his good-bye’s and apologizes on her behalf.
He and Ryan have a bro hug farewell moment where it looks like they’re burying the hatchet. For the time being at anyway. Ryan gets the hug he wanted.
He also seems to have a little intimate moment with Jenn where he even gives her a peck, eyes closed and everything, and hugs her tightly. You know I thought he had a thing for Ryan last season now I definitely thinks he switched teams to Jenn.
Jenn shares in her yap she’s not surprised at Tamra’s behavior as she did the exact same thing to her last sesason. Acted cunty apologized and made up, acted cunty again, apologized and made up…
It’s like a relationship with Doug Thomas, minus the apologies.
Eddie does not want to go home to Tamra.
Katie returns to her guests (that she served mac and cheese and potato salad to, no judgment) and tells them Tamra said to ask Ryan about the FBI.
Ryan is definitely squirming, playing dumb, lying his ass off and spews off some gibberish that he knows makes no sense, we know makes no sense, and Jenn probably believes.
He blames it on the fact that “one of his closest friends is going through something, and she MUST be talking about that, yeah.”
You know, you would think this dude would be better at explaining what he does for a living, and at lying. He seriously followed that statement up with a “yeah.”
Like, yeah ‘THAT’S it, that’s the ticket…’
Can’t make this shit up. Ya can’t.
Emily starts drilling him and he tries hard to look soooooo damned confused.
******
Shannon, Heather and Katie have an outing shopping for an outdoor couch for Shannon. Must be nice to owe $75,000 to someone, legal fees and fines over a DUI, and STILL casually shopping in a super expensive store for an outdoor couch.
Jesus, how much DOES she get from David every month?
Oh yeah three kids in college too. Okay. Is there any reason why she didn’t just pay for own damned face lift?
They discuss the law suit and yes OF COURSE they gave People the story. Is this even worth discussing??
Then there’s stupid ass shit for brains Tamra last week claiming that filing a law suit is instant public information. I mean really. It’s actually the opposite of that. Law firms I’m pretty sure have to follow client confidentiality rules.
Thought production called them out in the yaps when they said something really dumb.
Gina for some reason puts a stripper pole in her kids’ room.
Ginormous Emily and Gina give it a shot when they’re like as tall as the pole.
Emily fills her in since she was absent from the dinner. Not sure why Gina wasn’t invited. She has a guy, sort of.
It’s in the news now that she threw Travis out because the ex was dropping threats and what-not, and she didn’t want her kids around that. It may or may not be true.
She DOES also seem excited to redecorate her kids’ rooms, now that there aren’t three to a bedroom anymore.
Not to beat a dead elephant but she also did push Travis down the stairs and Bravo let her off the hook on that one for some reason. Maybe that’s when the ex went bonkers. Like why was this okay?
Shannon’s having a tea party to celebrate her birthday.
Not Gina and Emily discussing Emily’s issues with her linebacker body. AGAIN.
With Emily making that same constipated face. AGAIN.
If this woman is a size 6, I’m a size 12.
She goes on to whine to Gina about that being a ‘psychological trigger’ for her so she needs to be heard understood and tiptoed around.
Maybe it was unpleasant for Jenn to be screamed at and called broke stupid and poor from across the table by some psycho chubby chick. Just saying.
That sure as Fuuuuuuck didn’t get dragged out over six fucking episodes. I’m pretty sure.
Because body shaming is a trendy no-no thing, but abstaining from calling someone stupid and ridiculing financial difficulty is not a trendy thing. Is that it?? It’s kind of fucked up rationale – very smart and very educated Emily Simpson, in case you’re listening.
Especially someone who has obtained extreme wealth through marriage, but she’s super pissed that Jenn didn’t have he own nest egg after staying home raising five kids for eighteen years??
Why am I the only one saying this?? Not the only one. But I mean why is not being talked about more? Everyone’s too busy discussing Trashy Tamra I guess.
Emily’s not much better.
Chubbs needs to make her Housewife exit and roll her ass around in her money. Two things that she definitely loves – her ass and her money. Like bye girl. Just bye. Don’t let the door hit you in your size 12, I mean 6 ass.
Back and forth scene thing – and it’s kind of funny when Heather calls herself a good listener. Not sure Shannon agrees with that.
******
Emily has a scene where she toots her own horn, and buys a custom suit for a guy she didn’t exactly do the work to get him released, that’s way too much effort and energy. But hey with those ‘super fit’ arms, she’s opening her wallet and spending her in-laws’ money on him.
I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Shane has an allowance. That’s a pretty fucking big SoCal house, and the dude didn’t even work for several years. Just saying. Again.
I feel like there are other things this guy needs before a custom made suit. But, it makes Emily feel good about herself, buying a bougie suit for a peasant.
She’s giving baaaaaaaack, you know, while she’s raising her chilllldrennnnnnnnnnn.
Pahlease spare us the ‘doing it for the greater good’ crap. Maybe for the greater good she could shut her trap for once.
This guy’s story is really sad and I hate that she’s exploiting it for her own accolades. You can tell her recounting the story for the viewers is bothering him.
As if he wants to relive it in detail, Emily. Just pay for the shit and be on your way.
Nothing like looking at fabrics to take his mind off of being in prison for 20 years for something he didn’t do. Good thing you’re around Emily. What WOULD we do?
******
Katie and her family go to a Korean restaurant that looks likes a chain, no judgment. I’m getting a little over the whiny story of how her mom didn’t incorporate Korean culture and cooking in her upbringing.
Like if her mom if is watching this, can you imagine how that’s making her feel?
Not as bad as Emily constantly calling her mom useless and blaming her for her despicable behavior, but still not nice. I feel like she could have taken it upon herself to research and learn about it when she was a pre-teen/teen/young adult if it was that important to her. Just saying.
I’m doing a lot of ‘just saying’ in this recap.
Katie brags she knows a Korean phrase and it’s actually Mandarin (according to Producers.)
I can’t believe how much food is on that table.
They’re planning a trip to Korea and Katie is going to meet her birth mother.
******
That was nice of Emily to get a photo framed for Shannon that she posed for during her photo shoot. There. I said something nice about Emily. Although I am wondering why she’s being so nice to Shannon. It’s very un-Emily like.
They’re getting ready for Shannon’s party. Jenn heads to the mall for a dress, the one she ordered didn’t arrive on time. OhmiGOD DON’T tell Emily!!
‘Whaaaat??? She can’t pay her rent but she’s buying a dress at the malllll?? What a stupid-ass loser!! She needs to be home looking at her empty bank account, like a LOSER !!!
How adorbs is this little tea place? Why are we drinking Diet Coke and champagne though?? You don’t order fucking nasty Diet Coke at a fancy tea joint. Like get a fancy tea already.
Heather arrives and immediately wants to speak to Emily. She’s had a change of heart and has decided she’s empathetic to Emily’s tantrums about the jeans and the dress – and the jacket. At charity event. That wasn’t about her and her body. It was about support for gay and trans kids. Not body insecurities of a fifty year old straight woman that wants to smell like tacos. Just saying.
So – here we goooooooo AGAIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!! Fuuuuck!!
Gina’s not wrong in her yap in her horrible burnt orange dress that Heather can’t manage to say the right thing in the moment. She has to sleep on it for several nights then re-have the conversation where she can rehearse sounding concerned and just deliver the fake apology in a convincing way in the interest of moving on.
Emily declines at first then is coaxed when she asks a second time. I just can’t believe we’re still doing this.
How may episodes did Jenn complain about being called viscous names again? Oh like one.
Right away she’s crying because it’s ‘triggering’ for her to just talk about the ‘fashion show’ which was not even a fashion show. I feel like that’s the disconnect for her, like the part she’s COMPLETELY missing. Which is why I think Heather freaked out at Jenn’s over the incessant whining about Alexis’ dress being smaller than hers, and they were hanging NEXT to each other! The nerve!!
Heather is looking very understanding of her gripes. Or pretending to. I’m not really convinced the whole thing wasn’t on purpose to be honest with you.
She does have a point that makes sense so I’m choosing to believe it, that she chose her and Alexis to wear the black dress since they’re both tall, and ‘curvy.’
So I guess Emily calls people names because she gets called names. Hurt people hurt people. That’s not an excuse by any stretch. She should probably look into that.
And Heather makes another good point in her yap (I hate this!) that she suffers from body issues too because hello, she’s a woman!! Yes! You don’t have to be overweight to be self-conscious about your body. Heather has ridiculously long legs, so she could be self-conscious about that.
You can be a small size and have small boobs and feel self-conscious about that.
The list goes on and on with what we complain about. Girls come out of the womb bitching about their bodies.
I can just hear all of the girl babies in the nursery now, OhMiGOd can you believe I weigh nine pounds and will you just LOOK at these thighs??
Emily you’re not the only one.
Heather called her skinny. Do you THINK she could drop this now?? For the love of all that is holy. Jesus.
Tamra arrives – yay – hungover I assume and immediately fake apologizes to Jenn and says she doesn’t want to feel weird at the party.
Jenn look at her like she is over this woman and her head games.
******
Birthday girl arrives. She loves her ‘Madame’ photo. She invites the ladies to London for the first official arguing trip of the season. Gina’s British accent is BAD.
Just when the birthday celly was going great, with no drinks thrown and no petty childish name calling, (Emily and Tamra) a flower delivery arrives of a very large vase of foliage from Alexis.
Seems to be a literal olive tree with a note from Alexis wishing her a happy birthday
I mean really. Sending someone a gift and a card wanting peace and happiness (‘gumbaya’ if you will – Dolo shout-out) after trying to extort money from her then suing her, is kind of obnoxious and nonsensical.
One might say well Alexis is not the one doing it, John is. But did she strongly encourage it for her ‘story line?’ Think about it – what would she have going on if she didn’t have this? Just that she’s banging that Jackass four times a day? Does she not smugly support it every time it’s discussed?
And Tamra constantly making excuses for Alexis is making me wanna smack her upside the head.
We get it Tamra. It’s your job to be buds with Alexis. And you understood the assignment. Bravo dangled the dollars above your head and here we are. Just stop insulting viewers’ intelligence. We do have some of that even though we watch Housewives.
“Why can’t Alexis just send her flowers to be nice?” Okay Tamra in your high-end stripper uniform with your saggy and cellulitey arms. No one is taking you seriously.
Oh SHANNON’S exhausting? Okay maybe, but at least she’s authentic.
I can’t imagine there’s a lot of happiness in the Judge household these days. Let’s talk to Eddie about ‘exhausting.’
Tamra announces the ‘butt dial’ for some reason. Which didn’t seem necessary.
Shannon says she ‘pre-wrote’ a text for Alexis making sure she knows she’s not invited on the trip. She reads it to them.
The ladies are all clutching their pearls as if it’s so horrible and it’s really not.
She says she wants to make it clear that she’s not invited.
I don’t know that these extreme reactions are really necessary. Heather does the Kyle Richards ‘shock’ face. Wonder who does it worse?? I think it’s pretty close.
Why oh why do Katie and Jenn have to ‘sit down’ with Alexis over this? How so fucking stupid and unrealistic is this getting??
******
True to their word Katie and Jenn do indeed drop in on Alexis to forewarn her she’s getting this oh-so-mean message from Shannon informing her she’s not coming on the trip.
And why is Alexis ‘owed’ this face to face visit Katie?? We don’t know.
She immediately wants to know if she received the tree or the olive ‘branch’ or whatever the hell and if they’re moving forward.
They tell her no, she completely over the top over acted over done over everything tantrum thing. Coincidentally she receives the text as they’re having the conversation.
“What is she so hung up on?”
Oh I don’t know the blackmailing and the law suit!!??? Maybe??
Well it’s her fault, Alexis very dramatically explains, for borrowing the money and not paying it back. Even though he never even asked for it until now.
Their joint yap is fucking embarrassing and gross. They seem to me to be disconnected. Alexis looks to me to be guilty, somewhat smug and looking blankly, or down and looking all around and not at the camera, and not at him. Normally in couple yaps they glance over at each other.
Jackass Johnny is embarrassing every time he opens his mouth. He has a shit ton of excuses as to why he’s suing her. Alexis has a blank stare and is looking like a fucking fucktard to be honest sitting beside this slime.
“Shannon has an interesting relationship with the truth.” Alexis continues to make weird stupid looking faces. Never making eye contact with the camera or John. I think at the point this was filmed she felt really guilty about what they were doing. Her facial expressions are screaming it.
Okay dirty filthy John. Nobody believes you. Nobody does.
Alexis pretty much admits she gave the story to that rag People.
Then Katie and Alexis are in their yaps like ‘gee I don’t know – maybe???’
If you’re Tamra, you think that when a suit is filed it automatically goes to the press. If you’re Tamra and have one brain cell.
She throws the ladies out of her house sniffling and crying that Shannon who she literally vehemently HATES and is trying to destroy, doesn’t want to be her friend.
Can’t make this shit up.
Katie and Jenn chirp outside telling each other “somebody had to tell her.”
Yeah that’s what Shannon’s text message was for ding-dongs.
I gotta get this up – it’s so late there are most likely type-o’s.
