I slept on this, and I think I would compare this new season of SLC to some sort of parody, like an o SNL skit, where Housewives in general are being made fun of. These first two episodes have been beyond bizarre and so chaotic.
Meredith and “baths are myyyyyyyyyy thing!!”
That wacko Bronywn acting like Erika Girardi 2.0 with the bragging about her rich old man husband, and ordering said rich old husband around (NOT like Erika), Lisa yelling about Angie telling Whitney she was mad (who obviously already knew she would be mad), picking up Heather for the Wendy’s trip (endorsement) like a teenager who just got her license, ding dong Britani excited Lou Ferrigno called her his girlfriend?? Or is best friend? What is HAPPENING??
Had to get that off of my chest.
Now there’s an Angie moment. She and Shawn opened another hair shop and they are just loving life, and even have a better marriage due to the gay cheating rumors from last season. That’s probably a lie, but okay.
Bronwyn drops in to get her hair did. I was confused about what the dude is doing with her hair. Scalp massage, she says at the end of the scene. It was very weird, but par for the course of how this episode is going.
Seemed like he was massaging her hair strands.
She and Angie discuss a bunch of dumb shit while that kid rubbed on her hair.
******
It’s ‘Team Building’ day. These are always an epic fail but still we do them.
This thing looks like a torture chamber of some sort.
Whitney says ‘standstill’ when I think she means ‘standoff’ when referring to her tiff with Lisa. Because we’re watching Wild Wild West you know.
Mary’s still pissed at Britani for mistaking ‘me and my siblings had nothing’ comment for growing up poor. Because you know that’s not what it sounded like at all.
We know Mary, you just like picking on the new girls. She’s like Vickie on OC in that way.
You couldn’t pay me enough to do this shit. Especially with this crowd of wack jobs.
Meredith can’t participate because she has ‘tennis elbow’ from churning butter a year ago?? Now, is THAT a joke? Like we seriously don’t know.
Meredith girl, if you don’t want to do it just say you don’t want to do it. She has the weirdest laugh. Also no one wants to picture her jerking off Seth. Or whomever. He is ‘back in Ohio’ you know. Wink wink.
I’m actually shocked Mary is doing this. Remember last season she would NOT participate in any fucking thing.
This is legit tight rope walking. I know they’re harnassed, I don’t mean to sound like a baby but this looks really dangerous.
They are really happy to see this food truck! Risking your life around a bunch of crazy-ass psycho bitches works up an appetite!
Again, is this an SNL skit or are these bitches for reals??
Britani gets up to make a toast, and one would think she’s going to say something warm and fuzzy about getting to know everyone, thank Heather for planning the activity, but no.
No no no, not the case. What DOES she yammer on about?
Her fucking dysfunctional relationship with Lou Ferrigno and how they’re ‘back together’ after buying matching jewelry at Louis Vuitton, followed by him asking her to be his girlfriend, and sealed the deal with an IG post (how OLD is this broad? 12?) in which he refers to her as his ‘best friend.’ My God his head is big. Like literally, I don’t mean he’s an entitled prick which he clearly is, his head is fucking ginormous.
You see how I feel about this guy, I won’t harp on it, but he seems extremely toxic and OBNOXIOUS AF.
She and Mary then start bickering when Mary shades her speech, which she does kind of deserve. It’s fucking silly. Mary’s still pretending to be pissed about the ‘poor’ comment apparently.
Lisa pulls up Lou Ferrigno’s post and the ladies inform her he’s playing her for a fool.
Whitney says she gets ‘politician’ vibes from Jared. Which means he’s full of hot air and fakery. Exactly what he looks like with that enormous noggin.
Heather speaks on Britani’s behalf as if she’s not even there, that there is shit going on with her ex and her kids. Lisa mainly, wants all of the juicy deets.
She shares neither of her daughters are currently speaking to her.
Mean Girl Mary shames her for “not making amends with her children.” In her yap she she does the typical Housewife excuse for being a fucking asshole to another wife, and refers to a situation as a ‘trigger’ and makes this woman’s plight about herself.
The trigger being her own mother who cared only about having a man but forgot she had five kids at home.
Mary should probably not be making assumptions. Perhaps the ex is bad-mouthing her to her daughters. There’s always three sides to a story.
Bronwyn jumps on board with the bash Britani assignment, and says she seems chaotic in the few interactions she’s had with her.
Remember Bronwyn’s beef is the heart shaped jacket that she Britani referred to as a ‘costume.’
All of this just makes perfect sense, right?
Meredith is watching this intently. Think she needs some fucking popcorn. With butter.
Bronwyn’s remarks towards her gives Heather the gateway to bitch about her bad-mouthing Whitney while claiming they’re BFF’s and getting along swimmingly.
That sort of falls flat, sorry Heather.
They flash on Bronwyn and Whitney discussing it and Bronwyn refers to her moment as ‘iconic’ which does differ from what she was telling Lisa and Heather, to be fair. But still, it seemed like a reach.
At least it got the heat off of Britani which is perhaps what Heather was trying to do? Who know. Who the hell knows.
Hopefully this is the last supersized ep of the season. This is way too much.
Heather’s ‘own your words’ to Bronwyn does kind of make sense in this context, because Bronwyn was holding Brittani to the fire over maybe not choosing the exact correct adjectives with Mary and Bronwyn when she was maybe nervous and trying too hard to be relatable.
It seems kind of stupid to still be talking about this to be honest. Like who cares she misunderstood or thought the gigantic heart shawl was a little over the top.
Did it look like something designer costing five figures? No, not really. It looked like something you could get off of Amazon.
Bronwyn’s mad Lisa’s not defending her. Yet it was okay for her and Mary to be attacking Brittani.
It’s the Housewife Hypocrisy. I think it was actually uncharacteristically nice of Lisa to sort of call her out picking on this poor Britani chick who I can already see is no match for this pack of chihuahuas.
Now Whitney starts talking about her ‘trauma.’ Again. Lisa bitches at her for her podcast comments. Again.
“You’re a shitty friend.”
“No, you’re a shitty friend.”
I want to bathe in wine right now.
Whitney apologizes to Lisa but not to Meredith because you know, she’s still mad because BATHS ARE HERRRRR THING!!!!
You can see Lisa immediately do the lip pursing and rapid blinking when Whitney says ‘drag show’ and ‘Trixie’s.’
Is it horrible of me to think it’s kind of funny that she hates it so much and is forced to go there? It’ll be funny watching her squirm.
Even though there will be a bathtub, Meredith tells her she’s not sure and they’ll discuss it later. Not sure I would take a bath at Trixie’s motel anyway.
Lisa: “I hope there’s housekeeping.”
What the fuck is wrong with these assholes? Pretty sure all hotels that aren’t right on a highway and rent rooms by the hour, have fucking housekeeping, Lisa.
Don’t worry, no one expects you to lift a fucking finger, ever. That’s what the poors are for.
John probably loves Housewife filming time, because he gets to get rid of her dumb ass. No one can convince me he can stand this woman, he’s just too passive and afraid to say so.
Milwaukee – so Bridesmaids.
