Right off the bat I want to say that Mary is such a nut job. Yeah she can be funny with her dry offensive sense of humor, but she can also just be dry and offensive.
I feel like if someone said to me “I had five siblings and we never had enough…” – I would immediately think, not enough money, not enough food and disadvantaged or ‘poor.’
Later in the episode she sort of admits that’s what she was getting at when she complains her mom was worried about chasing men and not so much caring and providing for her kids.
I think Mary just got offended at the word ‘poor’ even if she was.
Bronwyn tells Lisa she was so disturbed at that dinner that she couldn’t even eat. Isn’t that what I say too?? Such a waste of good food. How do you eat with everyone screaming.
According to Mary it wasn’t good food, but there’s no pleasing that broad. Apparently beef lives in your colon for all of fucking eternity. Sounds like Mary logic.
So Bronwyn and Lisa are in her car chirping and gossiping about everyone, when Angie calls and wants to meet Lisa later in the day to talk. She agrees.
Whitney is in the process of moving into her new development farmhouse with laminate floors that looks exactly like her old development farmhouse with laminate floors.
I don’t want to be mean, but I just don’t know about Angie’s husband. He was giving off weird vibes on WWHL last night.
There’s a short scene of Angie venting to him and he seems really off.
He says “sounds great” as she tells him about Lisa lunging at her. She kind of look at him like ‘what the fuck, sounds GREAT?’ Was he like even listening?
******
Mary bitches to Junior about the ‘you were poor. No I was not’ exchange with Britani. Is he still married to that girl? That wasn’t mentioned at all so I’m assuming not.
“Being called poor is like being ungrateful to God.” Ooohhhhkay Mary let’s maybe leave God out of this one? Can we try?? Woman who tells her parishioners she IS God, while she swindles large amounts of cash from them for “the greater good.” The greater good being Mary’s closet.
This kid who has a few screws loose as well, even looks at her like she’s nuts and tells her she’s crazy.
******
Lisa and Bronwyn picked up Heather and head directly to fucking Wendy’s. I am sure this has to do with Lisa’s endorsement gig with them. She probs made like 10g in this scene.
We’re still talking about this silly argument about Angie’s actual nerrrrrrve of telling Whitney that Lisa was mad at her over her podcast statements.
You know because how else would Whitney know Lisa was mad. It’s not like it’s common sense or anything that when you speak disparagingly about someone publicly, they might be mad.
Come on Salt Lake, you don’t want to be known for tacky fashion AND being stupid? Do you??
Is Lisa actually driving this car? I don’t know how they haven’t wrecked by now. Her mouth is going like a motor and I’m not sure she’s even looked at the road.
Did I mention they picked up Heather? For this Wendy’s trip I guess? I don’t know what’s even happening. This ep already seems very chaotic, and I accidentally started day drinking. It’s raining. Don’t judge me.
Heather reflects on the previous night and “omg did we gang up on Whitney?”
I mean, they were all screaming at her simultaneously that she’s “A LIARRRRR!!” so I would say that’s sort of a gang-up.
Some of the accusations were lies, some were not. Most I think were differences of opinion and truths, in my opinion, but whatever. They like to say ‘lie’ a lot.
I don’t feel bad for Whitney because she had a heads up it was coming, and she knew damned well Lisa was going to be irate. So let’s not get all dramatic here please. I don’t think she’s even upset.
Bronwyn accurately breaks down Whitney’s performance in a humorous way sort of mocking her. But like how can you not mock Whitney.
Heather calls Bronwyn’s comments ‘strong harsh opinions’ which seems a bit over the top. She was just sort of ridiculing her very dramatic Housewife behavior which you gotta admit is pretty funny. Who doesn’t ridicule Whitney?
******
Meredith and Seth are so cringe. I feel like they try too hard to make it seem like they’re happy and having a lot of sex. I feel like they talk about sex so much because they’re not having it.
Long story short, they’re taking a cooking class together and she tells Seth she wants to be bar mitzvahed, and he gets all weepy with excitement. It’s nice but it’s a lot.
Oh and Seth has another new job requiring a lot of traveling – in Ohio – which is where he was in Season 1 when Meredith was fucking around on him. (fucked every guy in NY…garbage trash whore… you remember.)
Meredith seems really happy – that’s he’s “back in Ohio again.” I mean girlfriend looks fucking elated. Woo-hoo, when the cat’s away…
They made Shakshuka, which I actually also made last year as one of my Bravo-inspired recipes, after Erin whipped it up on RHONY. It’s posted in my recipe section if you wanted to check it out. It’s really easy and yummy for something different.
Seth doesn’t even know how to crack a fucking egg.
He’s getting a little extra over her wanting to do bar mitzvah for herself. Is the crying necessary? I don’t know.
I kind of thinks she just wants to throw a party in her own honor.
******
Lisa’s and Angie’s meet-up to discuss how Angie needs scolded for telling Whitney something she already knows, is now happening. She pretends she’s going to order food.
The condensed version is that Lisa talked a lot, said nothing, it didn’t go anywhere and Lisa stormed out in her Steve Urkel glasses.
******
Bronwyn’s house, just like her fashion, is very Utah.
Her husband, who was CEO of the ‘Palm Pilot’ a little pre-smart phone 90’s gadget, is wearing a really strange and really Utah sweater. I hope any Utahians out there aren’t offended that I refer to bad taste as ‘Utah’ but I mean like, the proof is in the pudding. It’s like Jersey on crack.
How’s come you don’t ever see an older man/younger woman marriage or relationship where the man is not loaded??
Just a little thing to ponder in your spare time. I’m not calling these women gold diggers, and I’m not suggesting that they they wouldn’t be with these dudes if they weren’t rich… I’m not insinuating that at all.
They’ve been together for ten years. As they flash on old photos, it looks like her first order of business after marrying rich, was a nose job.
I love how these women just sit around their house in stripper heels and these extravagant outfits. It’s like watching soap operas back in the day. Maybe minus the stripper heels. Can you even imagine sitting around the house wearing this?
“What is going on with this furniture?” The interior designer who has happened by demands to know upon entering.
I’m more deeply concerned what is going on with what these two are wearing. What kind of shit show IS this??
I see he does the very textbook old man married to a much younger woman thing of dressing like he’s 25.
He’s definitely kind of nerdy, but in a cute old man way.
He has a very impressive flex that you can tell he loves so much, of carrying the Olympic torch in 2012.
You can see the designer zoning out as he’s talking, then realizes he has to pay attention when poor old Todd’s not getting the reaction he’s looking for.
“Oh you carried the torch?” as he snaps out of his daze. Yeah bro, what else would he mean??
Not sure how he worked that into talking about his artwork form Vietnam, but he did. I think because he wants to display the torch. My God. Is this really my life?
I’m ready to puncture my wrist with a screwdriver if this doesn’t stop.
He’s so textbook rich cringy nerdy old man.
The designer is like ‘Bro, don’t you have something else to do, like take a nap?’
So this is getting BOARD-erline excruciating right now, but I’m going to keep it going. They unbox some extremely artsy fartsy fucking ‘sculpture’ piece, thing that Bronywn purchased “two days after they closed on the house.”
This ‘sculpture’ is literally some random wooden kitchen chairs glued together with lights strung through it.
Bronwyn’s incessant bragging in her yaps is getting so fucking cringy and embarrassing for her. It’s very Erika Girardi in her first season.
It’s screaming poor woman who has recently married rich.
“You want ME to find scissors?” Bronwyn inquires as she proceeds to sit down and get comfortable as she’s saying it. Sure, just make the 80 year old man fetch them for your string of lighted chairs. Jesus.
He dutifully retrieves them. Oh well, guess that’s on him. My ex’s woulda been like “bitch go find fucking scissors – how dare you sit down in MY presence???”
You think I’m joking, I’m not. I’m literally not.
Okay we ‘re done with those two fucking nincompoops. That’s ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back. That was exhausting. I’m actually exhausted from making fun of them.
******
Okay moving on to Heather and Whitney meeting at a crystal and hippy gift shop.
Whitney in her yap during this scene looks like she gained twenty pounds or over did her filler. All over her body,
She’s ‘all up in her feels’ about seeing Heather. All up in her feels?
What. Is. Happening?? What am I watching?? On what planet do these ho’s reside? Because it’s not my planet.
Oh my God – I think I have to break this in two. There’s way too much material and it’s a super-sized episode.
So apparently Whitney does feel like Lisa’s dinner where no one ate, was a gang-up.
Heather mocking her saying “you exploited my vaginaaaaa” was pretty funny.
Before all of this went down Whitney had this ‘fun’ (Housewife kind of fun) trip planned and now she doesn’t know how it will ever be able to happen…
Omg this is why I drink.
So the trip is in Milwaukee of all places, at another one of Trixie’s drag hotels like the one they went to last year in Cali.
Pretty sure she’s just trying to piss off Lisa who finds drag queens repulsive. That was pretty evident when she had a nervous breakdown over having to dress in drag last year. Which just translates for a woman, to a lot of makeup and maybe a wig. Like loosen up Lisa. God doesn’t care if you dress in drag. AKA wear a lot of makeup.
Whitney refers to Bronwyn as her bestie and ‘super-supportive’ and Heather is like ‘wah-wah-wah – nope she was talking shit on her on the way to Wendy’s.’
A team-building ‘ropes course’ is exactly what we need to do. Didn’t we try that on Jersey once? I foresee it going much the same way.
******
Apparently this is how Chloe, Meredith’s daughter just hangs around her Utah house. Looking very Utah.
She summons her and Brooks to help her make bath bombs. Was it last season or two years ago that there were like four people in the kitchen all cutting one lemon. I was losing my mind.
You know she formulates her own bath bombs whereas Whitney just slaps a label on hers.
Chloe’s just going to casually mix bath bombs wearing a black latex pantsuit.
Are they doing this on purpose?
Meredith is of course wearing very over the top ‘safety goggles.’
This HAS to be a joke. You know, maybe I was tired but I didn’t catch the humor in any of this last night.
She bitches to the kids about Whitney copying her idea.
Again with the “baths are my thing” which she says in all seriousness without missing a beat and not realizing it’s a Mean Girls line that people say in jest.
She tells them about the bar mitzvah thing. Chloe asks her if she’s doing it for the party and the coins. She reassures “NOOOOO, I don’t neeeeeed gifts…” (but she DOES need the party, and if people happen to bring gifts, then she’s certainly not turning them away…)
I see Brooks being less annoying than he usually is. Someone said that on a chat group today so I wanted to pay extra attention to it. He’s not talking in that weird way.
They pretend to be formulating. What happened to the goggles?
******
Heather and Britani meet for pickleball. They discuss this Jared Osmond fucking loser, who sounds really toxic and douchey. I’m willing to bet he has zero accomplishments, and really loves flexing the ‘Osmond’ thing. Like who give a fuck. Is it 1975? No it is not. No one cares about Donny and Marie Osmond.
This man screams toxic masculinity. Is he like 8 feet tall?? God did that head come out of someone’s vagina? He looks like The Incredible Hulk.
Apparently their exes were fucking around with each other and that’s how they met.
Jared seems to enjoy referring to her as ‘a friend’ I’m assuming just to be a dick because he knows it annoys her.
These pictures they keep flashing look like couple-type professional pictures so come on dude, don’t be a fucking douche bag. Isn’t life too short to be a fucking douche?
Why would you want your legacy to be ‘I tormented women.’ They can deny it all they want, but at the end of the day if you have a whole string of ex’s all saying the same fucking thing, maybe it’s time to reevaluate and reflect.
Britani is one of those women, that always needs to have a man. The second her divorce was over she has this Osmond dude that keeps calling her a ‘friend.’
About dysfunctional relationships, I read that the victim in them, as crazy as it sounds because it’s such a miserable way to live, gets addicted to the constant chaos, and non-stop arguing about nothing, and then making up.
She craves romantic relationships, is how she explains constantly needing a man. There’s some drama with her kids that I guess don’t talk to her. She admits she’s “sacrificed her kids for a man.” Yikes that’s awful. Especially when it seems she chooses these toxic abusive men.
It’s a bad excuse that Heather offers on her behalf that Mormonism teaches you that you have to have a husband, and your kids take a back seat to that.
Seems to me she was more worried about getting laid then taking care of her kids. So we’ll see. I guess blaming Mormonism is one way to spin it.
That was weird. These first two episodes are very chaotic and strange.
Well. Stay tuned for Part 2!! This has to get better!
