So we ended last week with, not only Bravo, but the Universe telling Captain Creepo to stop being a creepy sinister old fuck, which she has been, I give her that. Maybe this was a friendly reminder, or punishment for her disgusting behavior last BD season when she stepped in for Lee.
Captain Lee got kind of noisy on social media about his dissatisfaction regarding the treatment of his crew. She’s a pathetic turd. You don’t fucking shit talk your employees to each other. That’s so unprofessional and so FUCKING inappropriate. And she was dumb enough to do it in front of the world! That’s how arrogant she is. She thought it was okay. And remember that ‘team building’ volleyball game she forced them to do, where she deliberately made the deck crew and stews in separate teams? After she already had them pitted against each other? Gee I wonder who won that one? A group of dudes against girls and a gay guy.
OmiGod, and remember when she was pissed at the stews and ordered someone to strip her bed NOW, because she caught the stews daring to take two minutes to goof around.
What a cunty fucking move. As if the deck crew never goofs around.
I had a few glasses of wine so this may get colorful. I don’t feel bad about her wrist being broken. I’m sorry it wasn’t bad enough to get her dumb ugly ass off of my TV. I have a feeling a certain ex-stew named Alissa was laughing her ass off!!
Anywho, here we go, we ended last week with Kyle creating some fake disagreement with Jessika and being all cranked up that she said that he made her feel like a ‘green stew.’ He keeps claiming he’s so hurt.
Jessika does not get why he’s so pissed. Well yeah, she’s new here. She’ll catch on.
Nat still whining about the boyfriend. Yes it is very disappointing and disheartening when you find out your boyfriend has put his ‘hoo-haw’ in someone else.
That very much demonstrates how they don’t give two fucks about you, and about your relationship. And I don’t get why Nat is not seeing this.
The guests are being very flirtatious with Jack and Frenchy. The curvy one seems extra excited about the menu. I love when guests that want to go ‘below deck’ to check out the accommodations and see who the other half lives.
They find Frency’s sex instruction manual, and are very intrigued.
Kyle calls Jessika malicious. Malicious? Quiet little meek people pleaser Jessika? Kyle is so stretching, to make this a whole big thing.
She is trying to smooth things over with him, and he claims he’s too upset. My God he’s such a douche.
He has Jessika all upset with this very unnecessary overreaction. She cries to Tumi, who basically pets her like a dog while she’s unraveling. I see she has all the sensitivity of a dishrag.
Lara’s getting in on the gossip because she was overhearing the convo between Tumi and Jess.
We all like Max now, who seems to have now realized why he’s here, and is a bit more focused. He’s still the good time silly guy, but he’s not doing a terrible job. Lara’s all impressed with him because “he reads books.” Since this sex manual is in French, guess she thinks it’s some kind of impressive literature.
The girls are off on a sunset booze cruise type of excursion with Luka and Max at the helm.
Captain Creepy’s coming back, and I was wrong. Her wrist is broken. But sadly she’s still able to drive the boat. Luka is impressed she’s back and willing to suck it up. He calls her ‘a boss.’ Whatever.
This group of ‘girls trip’ guests are so low maintenance for a bunch of chicks. Like there’s not even one that’s acting like an evil entitled twat.
So Jess does end up being on service after all of that fucking trauma and drama. She seems to be doing fine, carrying plates to the table.
The girls had invited Jack to have dessert with them. They do seem to get overly excited over his presence. At any rate, he’s enjoying it, and who can blame him?
So ridiculous, when he has a shot with them, Tumi getting all pissy and threatening to tattle. Who the hell cares. Tumi is giving me Malia with the way she makes it the biggest fucking deal ever that he does ONE shot while having dessert with them, and tells him he needs to tell Sandy.
Bitch, his work is done for the night. What a buzzkill snitch.
Kyle’s claiming he’s dizzy. Jesus Christ. Here we go. Remember how he ‘fell’ last season?
He pretends to pass out, and lies right down on the floor, near the bar as Tumi runs to get Lara, for some reason?
He starts wailing and whimpering about everything getting to him, and he can’t handle it, and he’s exhausted.
Nat tells him to get the hell up and go to bed. He sends them a text about not hearing anymore personal matters. What the hell is he even talking about? That was weird.
He talks in his yap how he jumped out of a moving vehicle a few years back.
Okay Kyle, whatever you you do, please DON’T do that again !!
Someone seems to me, to be in need of attention. The next morning Nat tells him what a baby he’s being.
They dissect and discuss this stupid text message in intricate detail.
Kyle is being such a dick to Jess. She didn’t even do anything.
Tumi has Jack all worked up about taking this stupid ass shot. He tells Luka, and Luka is like, yeah I’m sure it’s fine. Like a NORMAL fucking person would.
In the words of Countess Luann: “Tumi, just be cool. Don’t be like all uncool.”
I’ll tell you what gang, Tumi BEST not do one fucking thing that’s even remotely agains the fucking rules!!
So he does bring this very serious matter to Sandy’s attention. She makes light of it, by telling him to pack his things, then proceeds to scold him mildly and tells him to not do it again.
I hope Tumi feels like an idiot. The poor guy was so nervous to tell her.
Kyle and Jess hash out this green stew thing that really made no sense, and there was no reason for it to get here. Jess ends up taking the whole entire blame, and she didn’t really even do shit.
They then collectively decide it’s all Nat’s fault for putting thoughts into her head.
Nat gets annoyed at dinner with Kyle, Tumi and Jess for being all chummy and not coming off as genuine. It does kind of seem like she’s mad everyone is on good terms.
She starts texting the weirdo boyfriend and leaves to go back to the boat, and complains to him about everyone.
The ladies from the charter are still hanging in the area, and meet up with the crew. I love these girls!
They were all so fun and drama-free! Also I should add, usually on girls’ trips, in addition to at least one being super demanding, there always seems to be drunken petty arguments, with one girl being ‘odd man out.’ But not these ladies! They all got along famously!
Nat gets FOMO, and makes makes her way back to the gang. Luka and Jess are suddenly flirty and Nat isn’t liking that too much either. They go into the bathroom and talk about her. Luka refers to her as “having too much baggage” as Tumi listens at the door. She seems all excited, but it’s not really even that juicy. She looks like a fish. Is her mouth extremely large, or is it just me?
Everyone literally starts kissing each other. Lara kisses everyone. For real, she makes out with all of the girls from the boat.
Kyle argues with Max about what LGBGTQ stands for, and that straight people are not included! Nat decides she needs to get involved in this, for whatever reason. Kyle tells her to shut up.
He starts stretching his neck out like a fucking giraffe to get all up in her face proceeding to bitch at her for getting involved in the convo.
Jess and Luka canoodle with all of this going on.
